Highlights from the June 2026 Grandparents Faith Café – with Dr. Keith Chappell

 

Highlights from Our June Faith Café

Meeting the Grief of Family Conflict
with Faith and Love

Tuesday, 9 June 2026  ·  Dr. Keith Chappell  ·  Online via Zoom

 

On Tuesday, 9 June 2026, Grandparents from around the world gathered online for what proved to be one of the most profound and deeply personal Faith Café sessions to date. The theme was one that many carry in silence: meeting the grief of family conflict with faith and love.

Our keynote speaker was Dr. Keith Chappell — researcher, family mediator, author, and William Leech Fellow at the University of Sunderland. A trusted advisor and friend to the Catholic Grandparents Association, Dr. Chappell brought both academic rigour and pastoral warmth to one of the most challenging subjects any Grandparent can face.

But perhaps the most extraordinary moment of the evening came before Dr. Chappell even began. Catherine Wiley, with characteristic honesty and courage, shared her own family’s experience of addiction: the sleepless nights, the rescuing, the transgenerational cost, and the unwavering love and faith that has sustained her through it all.

 Catherine’s Welcome: An Act of Courage

Catherine opened in the month of the Sacred Heart, reflecting on the image of Jesus with graces flowing from His hands and the words: Jesus, I place my trust in you. “Tonight, as we reflect on family conflict and grief, I think that prayer was never more important to us than it is for Grandparents in families that are struggling.”

She named what so many carry in silence: addiction, separation, divorce, estrangement, mental illness, loneliness, financial pressures, the loss of faith, and the tragic loss of loved ones through suicide. “Nobody who has not lived through these situations can fully understand the worry, the sleepless nights, the fear, the uncertainty, and the grief. The last thought at night and the first thought in the morning is often the same: are they safe? Are they well? Will things ever get better?”

She spoke of her own family’s experience of addiction with remarkable openness, of years of hoping and praying, rescuing, trying to hold everything together. She spoke of the moment that cut her to the heart, when her husband said to their son: I never wanted to die and leave you like this. And she spoke of the fear she now carries for her grandchildren.

“People may forget what we said. They may even forget what we did. But they will never forget how we made them feel. As Grandparents, perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give is to make our children and grandchildren feel loved, welcomed, valued, and remembered. Even when relationships are strained. Even when life becomes very difficult.”

 The Address — Dr. Keith Chappell

Conflict Happens

Dr. Chappell opened with a truth that is both obvious and often forgotten: conflict happens in every relationship. It is, in fact, how we build relationships. He drew a striking parallel with salvation history — God’s long faithfulness in the face of the people’s rebellion, culminating in the gift of His Son. The new covenant was not a fix put in place after things went wrong. It was always part of the plan.

“When one or more members of a family betray the shared values that bind it together, it can cause a moral injury to the whole family and rupture trust. And if parents fail to provide leadership in that moment, it is often Grandparents who provide the next opportunity.”

The Concept of Moral Injury

Dr. Chappell introduced a concept that resonated deeply with the gathering: moral injury. Beyond physical and psychological harm, moral injury is damage at the spiritual level — when our actions, or our inaction, conflict with our deep sense of who we are, and leave us feeling less than the person we believed ourselves to be.

In family life, moral injury often comes from inaction: not challenging a decision to cohabit, staying silent about something harmful, or continuing to enable rather than confront. “It is for us to bear this, to heal our moral dissonance through prayer, sacraments, and trusted conversations. The opportunity to do good in the lives of the family member remains.”

When Good Intentions Become Controlling

Dr. Chappell shared the anonymised story of Michael, an elderly widower whose daily visits to his wife’s grave and Mass — requiring one of his six adult children to drive him each time — had fractured his family entirely. When the family turned to their parish priest, he praised Michael’s devotion and told him to keep going. The family has been paying the price ever since.

The lesson was important and uncomfortable: behaviour that presents as great piety can mask something quite different. And how we respond matters. “The ones we must make the greatest effort to hear are the quiet ones — those who risk getting lost in the noise. These are often the grandchildren.”

Abuse, Addiction, and the Oxygen Mask

In situations of abuse or addiction, Dr. Chappell said, the primary job of family members is to protect themselves and each other. Like the safety briefing on a plane: put your own oxygen mask on first.

“This is not abandonment. It is caring for everyone, and providing the space to decide how the family is going to find its way forward.” The addict or abuser will apply pressure, create urgency, and may threaten self-harm. These are tactics, not genuine invitations to dialogue. If there is real risk, involve the authorities. If it is emotional pressure, make clear that you love them and need time to find the right way.

Judas and Peter: Two Ways Through

Dr. Chappell closed with a comparison that stayed with the gathering long after the session ended. Judas experienced profound moral injury, found he could not forgive himself, and lost all hope. Peter also betrayed Jesus — three times — but accepted the injury with humility. Jesus met him with three chances to affirm his love: one for each denial. That acceptance became the very foundation of his greatness.

“We may all be heroes in our own minds. But in reality, we all fall short. Accepting this with humility, and presenting it to Christ as Peter did, helps us to redeem it, and to grow through it and from it.”

 Moments from the Floor

The conversation that followed was rich, honest, and wide-ranging. Here are some of the highlights; the full discussion is available in the session transcript.

 Resources Mentioned This Evening

Dr. Chappell mentioned the following for those wishing to explore the concept of moral injury further:

International Centre for Moral Injury — A wide range of resources, articles, and online talks. Search online for the International Centre for Moral Injury.

Achilles in Vietnam by Jonathan Shay (1994) — The foundational text on moral injury, from which much of the field has developed.

Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy — A spiritually-informed approach to therapy, worth exploring for those dealing with moral and existential struggle.

‘I will never forget you.’ — Isaiah 49:15

Theme of the World Day for Grandparents & the Elderly 2026

Catholic Grandparents Association

Passing on the Faith and Keeping Prayer at the Heart of Family Life